Shattering in Silence
by LaguNerd
Summary: Though there were no more tears, no…nothing, he felt nothing. There was nothing anymore.


A/N: Yet another story borne from an ask sent to me on Laguna. This time they sent: so how would Laguna react if he did make it back to Raine as she was giving birth, but not only did she die in childbirth, but Squall ended up being stillborn? So yes, full of angst and feels and break your heart stuff. Not quite as long as 'His Name is Squall' but I felt like it still deserved it's own upload rather than going in 'Fated Circles'. (Though to be honest, I think I'm at the point where I'm just gonna be uploading stuff separate anyways, so that collection will likely never be added to. The only one that will, will be 'Raising the Lion', for obvious reasons.)

* * *

As he approached Winhill there was an odd feeling stirring inside him, it was mix of apprehension and…dread. He had this horrible feeling that something was about to change drastically, and he didn't think he was going to like it one bit. Shaking his head firmly as he continued walking, he chose to ignore his gut for the first time in his life. After all, how could coming home be a bad thing?

A smile formed as he neared Raine's bar, just seeing it made his heart swell and his steps sped up, suddenly he couldn't get inside fast enough. He froze in the doorway though as screams of pain echoed throughout the building and then he was running even faster. _That had been Raine's voice_.

He wasn't sure what to expect, and even if he did he had no time to prepare himself as he thundered up the stairs and screeched to a stop at the sight before him.

Blood ran cold as he floundered for a moment. It was too much to process.

Blood.

Screams.

Sweat.

…and a round belly…

It wasn't until a loud screech of 'Laguna!' that he snapped back to reality, rushing over to his wife before his name had fully left her lips. Squeezing her hand tight he swept his eyes over her desperately. She was pale…way too pale, and the way the midwife seemed to be frowning it was obvious something was wrong. Frantically he gripped tighter, as if by holding on he could somehow fix everything.

He winced as another scream ripped through Raine, feeling his heart race as he reached out to brush damp hair off her face. _You can do this_ , he thought, _you are the strongest woman I know Raine…you can do this!_

He felt like he was in some sort of alternate reality…after all how could they be having a child? Last he saw Raine she'd been healthy and radiant and…well, skinny. And not once had there been a word from her hinting at this. He froze as another thought crossed his mind, he didn't even know if it was going to be a boy or a girl…or even more than one!

It didn't feel real…if it weren't for the solid grip of Raine's hand in his he would've _sworn_ that this was a dream…or a nightmare.

His heart skipped a beat when he felt her grasp weaken, staring wide eyed at her…she was so pale now she was nearly _white_.

" _ **Just one more push Raine, you can do it."**_ He heard the midwife's voice as if from far away, fingers desperately caressing Raine's face as he heard her breaths grow ragged as she strained once more.

And then her eyes met his, duller than normal and _pleading_. " **Laguna…"** Hyne above, her voice was so weak. " **Tell me the baby…that Squall is okay, please?"**

 _Squall_? The name they'd joked about all those months ago…so it was a boy.

He made to glance over, to see their precious babe…when he felt himself grow cold. He…he couldn't hear anything, at all. All there was…was _silence_.

He fought to keep the horror off his face, to try and ease Raine…last thing she needed was to panic, but she read him as easily as she always had. Her beautiful eyes, ones that were echoed unknowingly in Squall's still form, lowered in sadness and realization. Her breath was hitching more, and coming slower and more painful and Laguna came to the shattering realization that he was going to _lose her too_.

Fighting to breath through the shock he leaned forward to wrap his arms around her, pressing kisses against her head…her face…her lips. Anywhere he could reach as he prayed fervently that she would keep breathing, that she would stay with him, that he wouldn't be _alone_.

And then, as if mocking him, the moment that prayer formed in his head, he felt her go still. Tears spilled forth silently as he laid against her for a long moment, trying to trap her lingering warmth in and keep it forever, fingers twining desperately into her hair.

He finally looked up, eyes drifting slowly over to where the midwife was standing and, for once, her normal animosity for him seemed to be put aside as she viewed him with pity and sorrow.

Slowly he stood up, so reluctant to leave Raine's side, and walked over with arms reached out to hold the baby he would never know. As the tiny thing was handed over, and Hyne…he was so _small_ , he gazed for the first and last time at his son. Fingered the soft swirls of brown atop his head, he'd had Raine's hair…and from the looks of it, _his_ face. The face that would never smile, or frown…or laugh.

And suddenly he couldn't handle it. Hurriedly handing Squall back he fled the room, collapsing to his knees right outside, back sliding against the wall as he sank down. Though there were no more tears, no… _nothing_ , he felt nothing. There _was_ nothing anymore.

Then there was a firm tug against his leg and he reluctantly opened his eyes only to see sweet little Elle peering up at him.

" **Is Raine an' the baby okay? Can I see them?"**

And he _broke_.


End file.
